Why am I not seeing this ad? (Daily Planet email #1125)

You have never expressed an interest in, uttered out loud about, or lingered too long on a picture of Diet Coke Lime, collaborative spreadsheets, or WiFi grills and smokers.

You were born as royalty and have someone to scroll for you, just in case Meta accidentally shows you something you asked to see.

What we’re selling is really nice and mostly useful, but we know you’ve been going through a rough patch lately. We didn’t want you to become disenchanted or crestfallen so we kept it to ourselves. Here, take a look at this baby mountain goat instead.

This ad was written by AI and for AI, where they have no need for eyesight and speak a language you can never learn. Move along.

Despite somebody’s best efforts, countless meetings, considerable money, and an actual typography fight, you have successfully ignored this advertisement forty-eight times, resulting in no additional spend, click-thru, positive sentiment, impressions, or even a little smile in recognition of the familiar. So they gave up! You win. …Or did you?

As the old saying goes, “Be where your customers are.” Well, where you at?

You are on a hashed list of English speakers between the ages of 18 and 83 within the North American geofence who interacted with pages and posts about furniture, luxury exercise, friendship (relationships) and cat excrement solutions.

Sheer and willful oppositional defiance. You know what I’m talking about.

We pulled the whole ad campaign when it was revealed our spokesperson said something bad about forty years ago. Rest assured we had no idea and they will never work again, not on this internet.

You didn’t tell us you wanted to see this ad. You do??! Gosh, it’s sure nice of you to ask!

Even if you could afford the product promoted by this ad, the quality is such that you could never appreciate it. You and it simply exist in entirely different worlds of endeavor, never mind income brackets. You had best go back to dreaming about whatever small people want.

Well, to be painfully honest, the ad we produced was an uninspiring waste of time, so we thought we’d save you from that. If, in turn, the next time you wanted to eat quickly something approximating Mexican food, and you thought of “Taco Bell,” it would be much appreciated.

You are relaxing outdoors, separate from your technology. Your hand enjoys the warmth of coffee or tea or a beloved pet. The light plays upon the leaves while you hear children on a distant playground. Can you even imagine the ads you are missing? Probably, and so there you remain.

Daily Planet Productions Ltd.

Haus of Email and Sweet By-and-By

~ Too Legit to Quit since 2004 ~